Ikea

I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

Today’s offering is once again, about Ikea. This post has two parts to it-one whimsical and one terrifying. Clown-like terrifying.

Ivar Kamprad, the founder of Ikea, is dyslexic and things just weren’t going his way. He needed to design, distribute, and sell furniture based on his challenges, and thus, words we’ll never know have an item attached to it. Here’s what he came up with:

The bookcases are named after people or an occupation. The beds, wardrobes, and hallway furniture is named after places in Norway. The carpets named after places in Denmark. The dining tables and chairs are named after places in Finland. All bathroom stuff is named for lakes and rivers in Sweden. The remainder of their product line is named for places in Sweden. And finally – one in five Brits were conceived in an Ikea bed.

I’m going to admit that I have no idea where that last stat came from, so I can’t verify it, but I’m leaving it here because I freaking love it. This concludes your daily dose of random byclbousens and stugerflagens.

Next up is the terrifying stuff. Let me just get something out of the way first. I kinda think the whole Ikea thing is genius. You come in and the first thing is the restaurant. This seems refreshing in some way. How did they know I was hungry? Well, what they want is for me to bring my sugar levels up so I have the energy to shop. But-they give you an exit so you can escape if you’re feeling woozy.

But they LIE!! Lying liars is what they are. Everywhere you look there is an Exit sign. Here’s the problem-either there is no exit or the exit has an alarm on it, rendering it useless. Unless I set fire to it. (Another post) Please take a look and let me know if you agree:

Do you see this mess?? This is what’s waiting for you after you eat. Not a single one of these actually leads to a door you can go out of. The ones above a door?? Well, not really. The door leads to another department, so you’re really leaving one place of madness and slipping into another. Not a single one of these photos is a duplicate. They are everywhere. But they go nowhere. Clowns.

 

Ikea Always Entertains

Every word of this is true. In 2014-2015, people were playing Hide and Seek in Ikea stores. This weirdness started in Belgium when a woman turning 30 wanted (seriously) to play Hide and Seek for her birthday. In an Ikea. In Belgium.

Apparently her posse thought this was such fun, they started inviting people – and they told two more, and they told two more, etc – and Ikea was somewhat forced to “play” along. Of course the world being what it is, they had their own Facebook page and allowed a certain number of people at a time to go in. If you didn’t get there in time, they put you on a waiting list. The list made it to 33,000. Yep-33,000 people waiting to play Hide and Seek in an Ikea store.

So Amsterdam gets it’s feelings all hurt and starts their own version. They had 19,000 on their wait list.

Finally Ikea became the buzz kill we always suspected they are, and shut the whole thing down. They said something about liability, corporate stuff, blah blah.

So the next time you’re in Ikea, look around. There may be someone hiding!! Like a dubenflausen or a mjorken.

It’s raining town homes

By now you must be thinking I only go to town homes. Well, you’d be wrong, but I do go to quite a few. To wit: this baby at 1885 sf, 3 Br, 2.5 Ba, and 2 car garage. Like most town homes, this one is uninspired but the size is pretty good. The layout is not as awful as most, but you can decide if you like it or not. Sadly, the decorator didn’t rise to the challenge. It’s not horrible, but it has no Wow, no Zhush, no Ah. There is liberal use of Ikea stuff and she picked the good stuff, so that. Overall, this is a C. Seems harsh, but with a challenging floor plan, it’s a perfect opportunity to really show your stuff. The furniture is awful and looks super cheap. I just think there are some missed opportunities here. So I stand by the C.

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