big ass house

Big Ass House in Wesley Chapel

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I can’t tell you how jazzed I am to see no granite. Holy crap. Granite has become some kind of standard as to what makes a “nice” kitchen. Please, bitch. It chips, it’s tough to clean, and everyone seems to choose the same color palette. Really? People-you can do better.

This house has Zodiaq and I got the shivers when I saw it. I kinda had to control my squeeling reflex because other people were around. This is not really in the hands of the designer, but a very nice surprise nevertheless.

This designer has used a beautiful color palette and the cohesiveness is very impressive. Only 1 misstep, but it’s one of my pet peeves. Those damn pictures in the hall. I’ll point them out. In spite of this, it gets a straight-up A.

Two videos because I’m not that great. Watch, enjoy. Oh, and I figured out how to put speech bubbles in the videos. More opinionated bullshit for you!!

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Oh god the risers on the stairs make me swoon.

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The grouping of pictures below is one of the things that makes me want to stab myself. There is no circumstance where clusters of pictures like this is acceptable. They’re never hung straight and the pictures themselves are always slightly skewed. That drives me nuts. Just put something else there.

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See those pictures?? Just awful.

Texture is always good. I enjoyed this little vignette in the spare bedroom.

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The lighting in this house was mostly uninspired, but there are some other details that offset that.

Wait-I totally take that back. If the lighting isn’t good, it gets a full letter downgrade. So it gets a B. Actually, a B-. The grade is fair, mostly because of the sexy beast of a sofa and the stairs. Great use of turquoise, though. You get the point, but you aren’t overwhelmed with it. As Martha would say – It’s a good thing.
Part One:

Part Two:

Oooohh. Touch me right there.

Finally. A model home that is just right. Doesn’t take itself too seriously and it looks like someone lives there. Let’s go down on this bitch. Oh, there are a shitload of pictures. It was a 2 story house and I loved almost everything in it. So-if you don’t like to look – well, if you don’t like to look, what the hell are you doing here?

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This lamp makes me swoon.

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The upstairs was whimsical and had a super cute dog theme. If you don’t love dogs, I don’t even want to know you. They did a really good job of choices and placement.

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I love the fishnets they used for curtains. Good imagination. And that purple/lavender wallpaper kinda makes me want to go to the dark side. With you.

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This lamp. Goodness. The glass is fabulous and I love that the inside of the shade matches. You sexy little bitch.

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Oversized pictures can be tricky but this one works perfectly at the end of this hall. Tip of the hat to you, designer.

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This lamp. Fuck me up the ass.

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Nice legs there, little lady.

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These croquis are super fun. I think I would have painted them, though. A face, maybe some clothes.  Or they could have been on a tandem bike. That would’ve been cool.

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Oh dear. The owl. Will we ever escape?

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The boys’ room was pretty cool. They took that football theme all the way, didn’t they? And yet, the football is upside down. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t on purpose, but it cracks me up.

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Behind this little glass Jane Russell, what do you see? Could it be granite that clashes with the back splash? Because that’s all I see. Every single day. If you’re blind and someone picks out your house for you, remember to ask if the curtains match the carpet. Jeez, people.

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This bedroom is unisex, as far as I’m concerned. Again it has wallpaper I actually like. Super cute fake books.

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Love the Bowler hats.

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I love these glass knots, but I sure am starting to get sick of seeing them. Scale back, designers.

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These chairs give me the vapors. Sexy and smooth.

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These organic “things” (whatever the hell they are) are visually interesting and I don’t think I’d get tired of them in 10 minutes. Tip of the hat.

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All of the pieces of paper stuck in the base of this lamp were little love letters. Swoon.

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A builder detail, but this is finally a backsplash I could live with. Maybe.

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So it’s pretty obvious that this house pleased me. A solid A, for sure. A good portion of that, I admit, was because of the dogs. I’ve been waiting for a designer to incorporate some realness up in here. A lot of creativity and it worked. The whole thing pulled together nicely.

A custom home in Wesley Chapel

Well color me surprised. And delighted. I found this gem while looking for properties. And oh, guess what? The sales associate decorated it. I know, right? So there is hope for the amateurs out there. This gets an A, straight up. She stayed true to the architecture of the house, didn’t overdo it, and she was on a strict budget. So, that’s why this gets a A. I have definitely seen professionals not do as well as this one. It’s thought out and functional. And score! The dining room table is from Rooms to Go and so are the sofas. You can’t really see the detail on the sofas very well, but I was really surprised. The two floor candles are from Pier One and I always love a good floor candle.
I had to do two videos because in the middle of filming the master bath, my phone rang and turned the video off. I didn’t realize I hadn’t captured the master bath until I got home. So, sorry about that. Just trust me, it was big and laid out well. The sinks were on opposite sides of the bathroom. I love that because my husband seems to think that if he can’t actually see a million little hairs on and around the sink, then he hasn’t shaved. Or something. I don’t know what goes through the mind of a man, but mine is messy. Ewwwww, boys!!
Part one:

Part Two:

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A South Tampa house on the smallest lot in the world

If this house looks vaguely familiar, it’s because my very first post was on this exact same floor plan. This company took this floor plan and bought a house in one of Tampa’s most expensive neighborhoods, razed it, and built this big ass house. Let me say this though, this one is about a zillion times better. They put a shit load of upgrades, NO GRANITE!!!!!!, marble, fantastic lighting, beautiful tile floors set in a herringbone pattern, and this time I took a picture of the outdoor seating areas. The staircase is open. The other is not and it really makes a huge difference because there is a very dark dead zone right in that foyer. I really don’t like some of the side tables used and I really don’t like the kitchen stools. All of the walls were a soothing gray and there were many blue accent walls. I really should say ceiling. You can see it in the first still picture. The color palette is a turquoise, green, and blue situation, which, by the end of the day, felt a little blah. I never thought I’d say that because I really love that combo, but I found myself really wanting more of a statement. Perhaps a coral. I love the way the sliding glass doors are framed and of course, the patio off the kitchen. The walls were all rounded.

The kitchen counters were a solid white quartz with a marble backsplash and the island was black cabinetry with a marble counter. I hated the white quartz, but the overall effect was good. All of the counters in the bathrooms are white quartz. This house has my favorite thing in a model home: fake food! Lots of it. I don’t know why that makes me so happy. The bathrooms and bedrooms were a nice shade of blue. This house has two master suites and the second one was  blue stripes. I normally don’t care for the multi-colored rooms, but his one was fine. Overall, an A-. Points taken off for the modern stools that don’t feel like they belong and the accent tables. I liked some of the accent tables, but there were enough in a white lacquer to make my eyes google out. So, no to lacquer.

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This big ass house made me super happy

It has granite. I’m just going to get that out of the way. I’m also going to end the suspense and tell you this house gets an A. Solid A. I couldn’t get video, so deal with that, but I got great pictures. This baby was from one of my favorite builders and weighed in at about 4200 sf. Normally I don’t go for the big ones like this, but the layout was perfect and the decor really made it feel cozy. I know. I hate that word, but it fits here, so let’s discuss.

4/3.5/3 and was being offered for the low, low price of $830,000. The girls room was red and black and featured ladybugs! I loved the detail on the ceilings. Everywhere I looked was a new detail.

The lighting in this house made me almost delirious. Fantastic. The decorator also found some kick ass art work, too. Most of the art on the walls were somewhat three dimensional and it was really hard to get some of the detail. All of the bathroom lighting was mounted in the middle of the mirror. The ceilings were maybe 15ft tall and the mirrors went all the way up. And they were framed. Nice touch. Upstairs there was a wraparound balcony. It was delicious. The pool alone was $114,000, but the cage went up both floors. There were 2 outdoor tv’s downstairs and one upstairs on the balcony. And of course an amazing outdoor kitchen. And finally, even though I’m not a fan of the bathtub, the one in the master was surrounded by a green/gray glass stick tile. Beautiful.

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